Mist's Diary

I was dumbfounded.
I knew it was my fault. Everything that happened that day was my fault. I continue to stand in the midst of this big crowd, looking at her. I wanted to approach her, apologize. Or at the very least, I wanted our gazes to meet. I really don’t know if I was missing her, or if I was missing the times when I was happy. It’s probably the former.
I knew that there was nothing I can do. I can’t even talk to her right now. After that day, I cut all of my connection to her. I even blocked her in my accounts. It was a sad, lonely day. But at that day, I didn’t felt the pain. I just felt it today. It’s excruciating. Still, I can’t seem to be able to look away from her. She was still beautiful, the same flower that I saw that day.
It’s been seven days since I started dreaming of her again. At first it was just like cameo appearances. As the days passed by, she became the main actress in my dreams. In the past two days, I have seen her unexpectedly. It was painful. I didn’t know why. I always thought that breaking up with her was the right thing.
I walked away that day, which was the biggest mistake of my life. Yet, I’m still walking away today. I removed my gaze over her and just looked in front of me, stunned.
I stood still, reminisced the greatest mistake of my life. A moment later, I was astonished. My heart was pounding I thought it might break my chest. She was there, in front of me.

December 20, 2010-Monday. It was a cold, harsh morning. There was no snow in my country, yet the breeze in the early morning felt penetrating. I looked at the clock hanging in the wall across the room. It was a little past 6 in the morning. Darkness covered the entire sky. Probably it’s because of the position of the earth in its orbit. It was near Christmas Eve. I didn’t want to get up, but I had to.
My room wasn’t that big. It had a very big bed, a television set, and a closet. There was not enough space to walk straight, so me and my grandmother who sleeps in this rooms walks sideward. Beside the bed was a small table where the picture of my mother, aunt, and uncles were present. Those pictures were still on black and white. Beside those pictures was my phone. I checked it.
“No messages huh, she’s probably still asleep.” I chuckled to myself.
Today was a special day. I was meeting someone around 10 in the morning. I haven’t seen her in the past few days because it was already the holiday break. I wanted to see her as soon as possible so I got up.
She was a year younger than me. But she was 2 years behind in terms of education. We went to the same school. I was in my fourth year in high school. She was in her second year. It was because she went abroad, and then came back, so she was forced to repeat a grade. Nonetheless, she was very smart.
Her skin was white, nearly as snow. Her jet black hair fell onto her shoulders. She has somewhat black almond-shaped eye. And the thing that I will never forget about her is her height. She was no or a little higher than 5 feet, which has just a little above my chin. She was like a doll.
She was the reserved type - the total opposite of me. Her voice was so gentle and soft. She never complained on anything, which sometimes makes me nervous. Because of this I never knew if she really liked what we were doing or talking about. I have known her for a year now since meeting her last year. We were like siblings, as she was calling me her brother. I talked to her about almost of anything. There were even times when we stayed up too late that we were both late for class. But today was different. It wasn’t the first time we went out together, yet I was still so excited.
“She’s late” I muttered to myself as I looked on my phone’s clock.
It was 15 minutes past our meeting time. I was 30 minutes early, probably because of being so excited. I was starting to feel uneasy.
“Did she forget?”
No. It was impossible for her to forget. Or I didn’t want to believe that it was a possibility.
“45 more minutes.” I told myself
That would be waiting for an hour and a half. But I just can’t give up.
The mall that we were supposed to meet up was the biggest mall in our place. It was about 2-3 hectares big and had 2 floors. The corridors were very wide. If you look upward, you will see a very large fan rotating slowly. People were starting to open the shops because it was the opening time for the mall, but there were only a few people here right now. I was feeling cold; it felt like there was snow, or so I think. I’ve never seen snow. I was waiting in the second floor near the escalator; a clothing shop behind me, the food court on my right, and a photo booth in front of me. I started glancing below, and on the escalator of the ma-
“There you are.”
I was relieved and was overjoyed. It didn’t matter to me if she was late, as long as she was here.
I went to greet her on the very top of the escalator.
“Good morning.”
“I’m so sorry I’m late”
“It really doesn’t matter, as long as you came.”
“Have you been waiting long?”
“Well. I am hungry.” I evaded her question.
“I just ate breakfast.”
“Then come with me. I will eat mine” I said, grabbing her hands.
We were holding hands once in a while, so this was not really a surprise for her.
“What would you like?” I asked her.
“I want fried ice cream. Bubble gum flavor”
There was this fried ice cream sold in this mall. It was not actually fried. They put something liquid on a pan-like metal which was obviously cold, and then the liquid becomes frozen.
“You really want that on this very cold place?”
“Yes.” She told me as she smiled.
I ordered one fried ice cream and a beefsteak with rice.
After we silently finished our meals on the desolated food court, I stood up.
“Where are we going next?” She asks me.
And again she smiles. Her smile was just so sweet that I didn’t answer her question right away.
“Let’s take a picture”
She stood up. We walked side by side to the photo booth that was in front of me a while ago.
I filled up some kind of form, paid for it, and then we went to the small studio behind it.
Inside, the walls were covered by black wallpapers. There was a small platform with different canvases you can pull as background for your picture. We chose the Hawaiian one. There was a very big light in front of us, probably the lighting. In a table I saw a plastic rose. I played with it for a while. After a few minutes, the photographer went in.
The first picture was formal. We were sitting side by side, smiling.
We were shocked by the photographers comment
“Do a cheesy pose for the next picture!”
We weren’t going out. No, not yet. I haven’t confessed to her. I have been waiting for the perfect moment. Maybe it will be later today, or maybe not. Nonetheless, I know I will confess to her some time.
Probably due to shock, I didn’t do anything. I’m not sure if it was the right or wrong decision. It was somewhat uncomfortable. Yet, she was smiling, so I just smiled too.
We waited for a while, bought some waffles, and then took the photos from the booth. There were actually 6 copies. I tried to give her 2 of them, but she refused.
“If my mother sees this, she will get angry. But I really want one.” She said.
Her mother was very strict, around the same height as hers. She was a Public Accountant, same as my mother.
“Ok. I will keep this. When the time comes I will give them to you” I replied.
We watched a movie next. It was Tron Legacy, action/sci-fi. I still remember it much. We even nicknamed ourselves as Tron and Clu, which were characters in the movie. After watching the movie, we went to a fast food chain, ate some snacks, then we went to an Ecology Park. It was a very nice place. Grasses, trees, bushes, flowers, and beautiful birds were everywhere. Benches were scattered on some romantic places. A small maze made of hedges was in the middle of the place. A little further there was a small lake that surrounded a small flagpole. There were even some statues of saints. We were not very frequent here. We usually just sit in a bench and then talked about anything under the sun.
“My mother and I fought again.” I started the conversation with a sad note.
“Again? About what?”
“The same thing, as usual”
“They are still pushing you to accept it?”
“Yes”
This was a family matter, yet, I was so open to her that she really was like my sister. I and my mother have been fighting. It’s been about 2 months since we started arguing. A year ago, when she and I just met, my father was caught with another woman. Everything in my house went mad. I had bruises, injuries, and the like. I was so angry at my father. My mother even had a swollen eye. That was the biggest reason why I hate him so much. My mother gave a chance to my father once. I agreed to it since I wanted to believe in my father, yet he failed us. He was again caught with another woman. Again there was a big commotion. Everything was in chaos. In the end our father left us. There was no choice, was there? I was happy myself that he had left for I can never live in a house with him anymore. I was so ashamed of him. And now, my mother wants to give my father another chance, which I oppose. I know, deep inside me, that my father will betray my mother again. For me he was dead. The person they are talking about is just another man. I opposed it greatly. My mother and I have been arguing since she told me. I told her that I will leave if that man comes back again.
“Don’t worry. Everything will be fine. If something happens, just call me, ok?” She said, after a short pause, as she smiles.
It was that smile that kept me going these past few days, where my life at home has been very chaotic.
We talked for a few more minutes, or was it an hour? I really don’t remember much because time flew by so fast those days. As if the wind itself carried the essence of time. There was so much to talk to, so little time.
Around 4 in the afternoon she had to go back. So we went to the city square.
“Goodbye” I said bitterly. I didn’t want her to leave already. But it was necessary.
“Goodbye” She replied. Then she went on her way
I just watched her back for a long time until she was out of sight. I wanted to follow her, but I know I couldn’t because she told me not to. She will be okay. There were less thugs in our place and it was still afternoon. I went on my way too. Last night I slept on my grandmother’s place because I wanted to visit her. But today I will have to go home, to my very unfriendly house.
It was a 15-minute ride for the city square to my house. I arrived at around 5 in the afternoon. My mother greeted me. I greeted her too and went straight to our room. There were not enough rooms in my house, so I sleep with my mother since my father isn’t here. I opened my laptop, logged in, and then checked if she was online. After an hour or so, she suddenly just messaged me while playing a new game I just downloaded.
“pstttt” She said
“pst!” I replied to her while smiling.
“Good evening!”
“Good evening too. Have you eaten your dinner yet?”
“Not yet. Maybe later. How about you?”
“I will eat mine when you eat yours. Hahaha”
It was our usual conversation. We talked over the net until it was morning these past few days, only taking a break for eating. These days were precious to me. It was the day when we had our first picture where there were only the two of us. And the days when we can talk all night without worrying for classes next day.

It was a cold, rainy morning.
Three days after Christmas Eve. I was running as fast as I could, with nowhere to go. I even forgot to put the sweatshirt on. I only have my phone and some money with me. I still had my bed hair. I didn’t know where I was going, or why was I running. I just wanted to run as fast as I can, as far as my feet could take me, away from my unwelcoming house.
I was crying. Tears rolled over my cheeks as I ran. The wind was so cold. I didn’t feel my hand anymore. The wind was strong; it felt like it was stopping me from running. No, I will not let the wind stop me. I needed to run. I had to. Then I suddenly remembered her.
Quickly I called a public transportation vehicle called a jeepney, and then rode it. Then I sent a SMS to her.
“Hello”
There was no response. I was starting to lose hope again. Was she still asleep? It’s 8 in the morning so she still might be. No. I believed in her. She wouldn’t let me down. Not this time, not when I needed her the most. She never failed me before. Just a few mi-
My phone suddenly rang.
“Good morning!” As I read her SMS. I knew it. She has and will never fail me.
“I’m going to your place right now” I replied.
“What? I just woke up! Besides, my mother is here.” I wasn’t surprised on her reply. It was first time doing this.
“Well, something came up. I ran from home and I have nowhere to go. Can I see you right now?”
“Oh. Fine then. “
After 30 minutes or so, I arrived in the plaza of her municipality where we were supposed to meet. It was just near her home, but we can’t be seen by her mother or anybody she knew. I greeted her with a forced smile.
“Good morning”
“Good morning! Oh, I just woke up so I haven’t taken a bath yet” She said this jokingly, which made me smile.
“We fought again, this time it’s very bad.”


“The same issue?”
“Yes, the same. She just suddenly said that father will be coming home today and I can’t do anything about it. I said no, I wanted her to choose between me and him, and he chose him. I can’t go back anymore.”
There was silence. It was a very awkward moment. It was raining. We were near a church that was still closed. There was no one around. It was peaceful, so serene that I forgot my problems for a second.
“Want to take a walk?” She broke the silence
“At this rain?”
“Well, it’s not falling that hard” She said. It made me smile.
After about a minute of walking, the rain suddenly stopped. The sun started to shine as the clouds clear. Warmth enveloped my fatigued body.
“Where are we going?”
“Just follow me. You will found out soon.”
I was starting to be curious. I never knew this place. It was not in the city anymore. There were high grasses here and there. There were a few people outside, and most of them probably came from early shopping. Then we suddenly turned in a corner. It was a graveyard.
“This is where my father is. I would like you to meet him”
Her father was already dead. He died while she was still in grade school. I was actually a little nervous when she said ‘meet’ him. I was not good with ghost stories.
“Don’t worry. It’s not his ghost or something!” She said, as if she read my mind.
We went to his father’s grave. It was just a small place with roof, more like a private grave. There were other graves around it as well, but this was somehow different. She prayed a little. I did too. Then we left. I never knew why, but I found myself calmed down. It felt like my body was feeling ok now, after all the running I did, not to mention I was originally physically weak. I felt relaxed.
“Where are you going after this?” She inquired.
“Probably to my grandmother and explain to her everything.”
“Are you going to li-“
What she was saying was cut as my phone rang. I looked at it. It was my mother. Probably because she did not know I ran away after we fought. I didn’t want to answer it.
“Pick it up” She said.
“But-“
She stared at me. With my resolve defeated by her gaze, I answered it.
“Hello?”
“Hello? Where are you? I was so worried! Where are you right now? Are you fine?”
How dare her! I was so angry at her. I wanted to scream, but I shouldn’t. I’m currently in a rural place.
“I’m fine, don’t call me again. I won’t be coming home today.”
“But where are you stayi-“
I ended the call. I was getting irritated again. She probably noticed it.
“It’s ok. Everything will be fine. Are you planning on staying on your grandmother’s house?”
“Yes, probably until everything has calmed down. But I am not pretty sure about it. I have no choice I guess”
“I see. Well, I have to go now. My mother will look for me if I don’t go home now.”
I watched her back again while smiling. Just a while ago I was running and crying with nowhere to go. Now I am here, with a new resolve. I am really thankful I met her. I wish I could already tell her. But no, I will find the perfect time. One day I will. I promised to myself.

My phone rang.
Funny it is I woke up a minute before my phone was set to alarm. I waited for my phone to ring before getting up. I really did not know why I waited. Maybe because I still didn’t want to get up already. But I knew I had to.
Today was the start of classes again. The Christmas break has already ended. I had to get up at half past five in the morning so that I would not disturb the residents of this household.
I sat on the big bed of my grandmother first. Stretched a little, and then tried to get to the door without disturbing her. I was in my grandmother’s house. I haven’t visited home; if I can still call that place my home, since that day. My mother just leaves my allowance and some clothes to my grandmother every week. I loathed her. I didn’t want to see her anymore. But today it was a special day, so I set my anger aside. I will be able to see her again.
The room was so small it was very hard to move. I successfully went downstairs without any noise, drank some milk and took some bread. I was prepared to leave around half past six. It was my first time going to school from here, so I wasn’t sure if I will be late or not.
I arrived at school around 6:45 in the morning. It was still early. Flag Ceremony started at 7:15 AM. My school wasn’t that big, 1.8 hectares big and with only 3 buildings: The school building, administration building, and the guardhouse. There was a fence that was made of cement around it. There were a lot of trees and grasses everywhere. The biggest place here would be the school grounds, where the flag pole was located in its middle.
The main building was like a big rectangular building. Everything was there. The faculty room, the classrooms, laboratories, Audio Visual Rooms and others. It was painted brown, which made it look like the land itself. It was also big, with some space in the middle of it, like an activity area.
In this morning, still with the touch of winter, it was cold. I can smell the freshness of the newly cut grasses. It was about a 15 meter walk from the gate house to the main building, which is connected by a small path at the side. It was a nice morning, with the sun slowly rising. There were only few students this early. It was perfect. We actually had a short rendezvous in the path walk. I quickly went to my room at the farthest corner of the main building, left my bag, and then went to the path walk.
I was waiting for her patiently. The sun has now risen, blinding my eyes with its reflection as I tried to look at the puddle of water near the grounds. I was about to text her when I caught her at the end of my eye.
“Clu!” I called her.
“Good morning!” It was her usual greeting.

She was wearing her uniform. I was wondering why her uniform looks so good on her. It magnified her doll-like figure. She was cute. I just smiled and stood there.
“Here you go!” She said as she handed me the paper bag she was holding.
“What is this?”
“My Christmas gift for you, silly!”
I actually blushed, or at least felt like blushing. I didn’t expect this. I also felt sad because I had nothing to give her.
“I’m sorry I have nothing for you.”
“It’s ok, considering your circumstances you should just think about yourself”

That smile, I can’t get enough of it. I was now wondering if I should open it in front of her. I hesitated a bit, and then tried to open it. But I stopped as she yelled.
“Stop!”
“Why?
“Don’t open it here. It’s embarrassing. Open it when you get to your room, ok?”
“Ok. Let’s go?”
We walked to the main building side by side. Sadly, I could not take her to her room because her classmates would see us. We didn’t wanted popularity, so we evaded people every now and then.
I arrived in my classroom. It was just normal room. Windows on the left, lockers at the back and apple-green painted, around 40 of them were neatly organized across the red stone floor. There wasn’t much decoration. As I opened the door, I saw my seatmate and my best friend. His name was Jas, a very big man that is like the size of two people standing side by side. Even though he was very huge, he was a very gentle person. I sat beside him.
“Oh. I think I know who that came from” He said.
“I know you know” I said, grinning at him.
“Let me see! Let me see!” He said as he tried to grab the paper bag
“Wait a minute! I haven’t even opened it yet!”
After settling down, I opened the paper bag slowly. I was surprised on its contents.
Within lay my sweatshirt. I remember lending it to her in the Christmas break. It was so fragrant. I can still smell her scent. I set the sweatshirt aside as I look on what was left in the paper bag. There was another small paper bag. I opened it. There I saw a bracelet, probably silver coated, with a note beside it.
“Read it aloud!” Jas said.
“I can’t! You know why! I will let you read after.”
The letter was just a small piece of paper, probably just as big as my palm. It was folded into three parts, where the words “Do not read” were written on the visible side. The words were small, but it wasn’t hard to read. I really liked her handwriting. It was very beautiful and gracious.
The letter was read something like this.

Brother! PST! Yes! You! Haha. Hmm. What was I about to say again? Oh yes! My gift is a little weird. Because, it’s called a PROMISE BRACELET. A promise where when we reach the age of 18, we will get married. Joke! Hahaha. Anyway, seriously, this is a promise bracelet. A promise where, uhm.. Never mind! Oh, I know! In this bracelet, all of our promises will be stored. But if you don’t, like it you can throw it away. Haha.
Remember in my SMS, when I said that I was going to say something? Truth is, I forgot it. Wahaha. Funny thing is, it’s like I’m the male, because I was the one who proposed marriage. Flirty! My penmanship right now is kind of ugly; I’m not using my pen. Well, never mind that. I won’t make this longer, because I might say something weird. Oh yes, and your phobia, that will never happen! I was here, am here, and always be here. And if you still can’t move on from the past, just move a little to your left. In that way you have MOVED on! Get it? Haha. I really don’t know what I am writing here. This is the reason why I don’t want to prolong this. Oh, and before I forget, I know this should have been written first. MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! Take care always! I love you brother! Good night! Oops… Goodnight probably is wrong.
01/02/11  I told you, there should always be a date!
-Clu-
-Autograph Haha





I stared at the letter for quite a while, until Jas poked me at my side.
“My turn!”
I gave him the letter.
“Take care of it” I told him.
I wanted to treasure the letter. It was the first letter I got from her. The contents were actually hilarious. It wasn’t officially us, yet she talked about marriage. Also I think she wanted to confess, but she couldn’t. Well that is ok for me, because I want to do it first.
Ah. My phobia. Yes. One night, I dreamt of losing her. That was my phobia. In my dream she was married to another guy and I was being ignored by her. It was an agonizing dream, even though it was just a dream. I told here this once, so maybe that is why she put it in the letter.
Her joke was kind of out of the blue. Nonetheless it made me feel better. She was talking about my first crush. She was in the same year level with me. Sometimes I just couldn’t stop thinking of her. But I know deep inside of me that I do not like her anymore. Maybe it’s just true that first love never dies?
I took out the bracelet. It was shining silver, and was like metal pieces chained together. It was very beautiful.
“That design is for women!” Jas said.
“No it isn’t! Anyways I will still wear it!” I replied, pouting at him.
I tried putting it on, but I couldn’t. I asked help from my friend, but still we had some trouble because he had very big hands. We managed to put it on. It was perfect. It was like she measured my wrist.
After a few moments the bell rang. All students went to the grounds as usual, attending the flag ceremony.
At around 7:30 we went back to our respective rooms. Classes started. Our high school life was a hectic one because our school was so focused on academics that it is known in our district. Classes ended at 5 on the afternoon. I had a club, the Citizenship Advancement Training Club, known as CAT. But we had no club activities today.
At night, because I was not at home and there was no internet in my grandmother’s house, we just sent SMS to each other all night long. But of course, we had to worry for tomorrow.
The day ended with a new smile. Before I slept, I removed the bracelet and put it in the table beside my bed. I had a wonderful dream. In that dream we danced and danced until our feet gave away, like a feather, endlessly gliding.

I knew that someday I had to tell her.
January 9, 2011. With the cold season moving away, it was a sunny morning. There was a low chance of rain. I wanted to rain today. I had plans for the rain. But I can’t do anything if nature itself defies me. Even the forecast said there was very little chance of rain. It doesn’t matter. As long as I hoped for it I knew it was possible. I won’t lose hope.
I got up from my bed. It has been a few days since I went back to my house. It was 8 in the morning already. Today was a Sunday so I had no classes, but I had an appointment. I was actually surprised to be invited.
She invited me to her house, with the two of us alone. Her mother was going out of town, and their maid was on-leave. I thought all night of what we are going to do on this day, but I never thought of anything concrete. I told myself to just believe in my instincts.

I arrived in front of her house at 11 in the morning. It was made of wood, painted blue, and consisted of two stories. It was twice as big as our house, or even three times. There were 2 large gates on 2 adjacent sides, both painted in dark blue. They actually had a car which we call EBR-352. It was the plate number. Today the car wasn’t there. I guess her mother used it. I rang the doorbell. After about a minute the door opened.
“Good morning!” She said as she went to open the gates for me.
“Good morning!”
She was wearing a shirt. She never complained on what she wore. I think she would wear anything, unless it was revealing. She also wore shorts which ended just a little above her knees. Her hair was still a little wet, which was proof that she just had a bath.
I followed her inside. It wasn’t my first time here. I was here about 4 or 5 months ago because we both joined a national online research contest, and we were team mates. I was the team captain and she was the head writer. Inside was beautifully designed and organized. It was very spacious. It seemed as if it was a doll house, but a very luxurious one. There was a large television set. At the left of the main door the stairs that led to the second floor stood. There were many large porcelain jars. Beautiful sofas where huddled around the television set. At the back of the stairs lay the big dining table made of glass. It was huge, considering that only 2 people live in this house. It was even larger than the one in my house. On the far left was the washroom. It wasn’t that well organized as the other rooms, still, it was alluring. Beside the dining room and the living room was the kitchen. If organizing a place would give you an award, they would have won an Oscar. The plates were made of porcelain. All the kitchen appliances and utensils were well organized. It was actually my first time seeing a microwave oven so I examined it.
“What are you looking at?”
“Don’t mind me. It’s my first time looking at a microwave oven”
She just smiled.
On the very corner of the room there was a small door, probably a little higher than her, but I wouldn’t be able to reach the other side without ducking.
“What is in that room?”
“Oh. It is my mother’s office. Don’t go in there” She said while rummaging through the plates.
She was too late. I already opened the door. Inside was a small office with a desk and a chair. There were a lot of papers scattered that made take back my words about winning an Oscar. Yet, there were some designs in the wall. The first one was noticed was the big Happy Birthday sign.
“Oh that. It was on my fifth birthday.” She said. I didn’t realize that she was beside me.
She was holding two simple yet extravagant plates. I took it from her.
“Where should I put it?”
“Just put it in the table.”
After setting plates, she took out the food. The food was called Adobo, a native dish. It was pork meat cooked in vinegar and soy sauce. I took some rice from the rice cooker and put it in a large bowl.
“All done, let’s eat!” She said.
I only ate a little. I had to or else her mother would notice it. With my stomach half-full, I let out a sigh.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I was just surprised you invited me here.”
She blushed, or at least I saw her ears turn a little red because she looked at her feet.
“You really take your time eating huh.” I said jokingly.
“Sorry about that”
“Oh. It’s nothing. I really like watching you eat.” I said with a smile.
“Puuuuuuuuu!” She said, while trying to hit me with his fork.
“Don’t do that! You might hit your glass!”
“Hmmm”
“Haha”
“What’s so funny?”
“Oh nothing. Finish up so we can wash the dishes. But do it on your pace because I am enjoying myself” I said with a wide smile.
She just smiled. I really loved watching her eat. I just stared at her with my hands clenched on my cheeks. I even noticed she ate the viand first before the rice, which made me laugh a little. She was very pretty and delicate, like the porcelain plates we used.
After fifteen minutes or so, she finished eating. We then washed the dishes. She rinsed them while I put dishwashing soap. After washing the dishes, before I threw the soap, I took the bubbles and threw some to her. She did the same. It was like a bubble fight. It was fun. The wash room was now dirty all thanks to me. We cleaned it, of course.
I sat in a couch while she brushed her teeth. Well I couldn’t brush my teeth here. My toothbrush was at my grandmother’s house. I watched the television for a few minutes. I was getting a little sleepy. It was probably because I was too excited last night that I couldn’t sleep properly. She then called out to me while standing near the stairs.
“Let’s go upstairs. I’m going to give you a tour of my house”
I followed her, watching her feet while walking up the stairs. I caught the scent of her hair as it swayed while we slowly climb the steps. I wanted this moment to last longer.
We then arrived at the second floor. It was spacious. There were 3 rooms: one on my left, one in front of me, and one on the far right. There was still some space, designed as a living room, near the room on the right.
“This is our room. My mother and I sleep here.” She said as she points to the room on the left.
“This one is my study room. I often use the laptop here. And lastly, this room, where my brother sleeps when he’s at home”
I was checking the study, the one in front of me when she suddenly pulled my hand.
“And this is the door that leads to the balcony.”
It was a door that was in the living room. I didn’t notice it at first because of its blue color that matches the wallpaper.
“Let’s go my room”

Her room was also very spacious, compared to my grandmother’s room I think. In the middle was a small table, where books were neatly arranged. A little farther was the big bed. It was bigger than my grandmother’s. There was also a television set against the wall. Adjacent to it was a door leading to the bathroom. The room was air-conditioned, with its walls painted blue. There was a cabinet on my right, which was empty. On my right was a brown door, with an elaborate design that made the room more wonderful.
“What is in this room?”
“The changing room.” She said as she opened the door.
There were a lot of clothes, starting from simple ones to extravagant designed clothing. It was neat here. There was a counter where all the items where well organized. Shoes were lined below the clothes. Behind them was another door.
“That one leads to the balcony”
“Balcony? Again?”
“Yes. Something like an escape route” She said while I open the door. The view was great. There were some high trees. Some clothes were hanging, probably wet from washing. But the first thing I noticed was the clouds. They were dark. It was probably goi-
“Let’s get inside”
I followed her. I was wondering what we are going to do next. She opened the television and changed it to cartoons. She then lied on the bed. I followed, sitting beside her.
“You can lie down if you want”
“Ok, maybe later.”
I was still observing the room. I examined the bed. There was a small stuffed toy near her head
“Quorra!” I shouted.
It was the stuffed toy I gave her on Christmas Vacation. I won it on a machine in the mall.
“She’s asleep. Don’t wake her up.” She said childishly.
“Oh. I see.”
I then lied down and watched the television with her.
“Hey, did you know that I once sleep walked?”
“Really? When?”
“I don’t remember when, but I still remember it” She said, with an expression on her face that suggests she’s trying to recall. “I think I sleep walked because I woke up in the bathroom. I already had shampoo on my hair. The coldness of the water woke me up. When I checked the clock it was around 4 AM.”
“Sleep walk? More like sleep bathing”
“Haha.”
We talked at our hearts content. It was a long day. We never got tired of talking. But we had to stop because rain started to pour.
“Oh no! The clothes outside!”
We ran outside and took the clothes in. We even forgot to turn of the television. We stopped in the changing room to catch our breath.
“Look at you, you’re soaked!” I said while trying not to laugh.
“Look at the mirror!”
I was about to, when suddenly and idea flew into my mind. It was January, it was almost impossible that rain would visit us. Yet, here we are, soaked.
“Wait for me here”
“Whe-“ That was all I heard while I ran inside the room and downstairs, where I left my bag. I took something then ran again upstairs to the changing room.
I slowly entered the room. She was there, waiting. I then extended my right hand to her, with my palm facing upward. My other hand was behind me
“What are you doing?”
“Will you dance with me?”
She stared at me. Shock was evident on her face.
“Why?”
“We won’t be having our promenade together, so I wanted to take this opportunity.”
Promenade, simply known as prom. It was a big event in our high school lives. Done near the Valentine’s day, it is supposed to celebrate the coming-of-age of all seniors and juniors. But she was a sophomore, and I was a senior. We will not have our chance.
She grabbed my hand. I was actually surprised, but then I opened the door beside us.
“Haha, were you planning this all along?”
“Well. Kind of. It depended on the weather you know.”
“Weather? Oh”
She finally understood it. We were going to dance in the rain.
“What are you hiding behind you?”
I took my hand out. I was holding my phone. I searched for the songs I prepared last night, then played them.
“You really are well prepared.” She said, smiling.
“Not really.” I smiled back at her.
I maxed out the volume of my phone, and then placed it on top of a chair nearby.
“May I?” I told her while staring at her eyes.
“Of course”
I hesitated a bit. She probably noticed my nervousness. She suddenly wrapped her arms around my neck. I then wrapped my hand around her waists.
“I don’t know how to dance” She said.
“As if I do” I said with a hint of laughter.
As the rain soaked us to the depths, we danced around. We moved in endless circles, moving harmoniously as if we were one. Even though it should have been cold, I felt warmness dwell inside me. I was looking at her eyes, and she was looking back at mine. The music kept us dancing. I was at lost for words. I was just lying in the bed a moment ago, watching television, and now, here I am, dancing in the hard rain with the one I love. It felt as time itself was deceiving me, for I never knew how long have we danced.
“I never expected this to happen”
“Nor did I”
“But you planned for this!”
I just smiled at her. I didn’t know what say.
The rain was near its end.
“I don’t want this moment to end” I told her.
She suddenly took my hand and led me to the bathroom.
“So do I.” She said.
It was funny. Now this is what I didn’t really expect. We danced in the shower endlessly until our feet failed us.
“Aren’t you tired?” I asked her. It was evident.
“I am. But let me enjoy our little moment”
“Ok, but 5 more minutes only.”
After 5 minutes, or so I thought, we then stopped. I stood in the bathroom while she changed her clothes in the changing room. She took my bag and gave it to me in the bathroom afterwards. I actually had extra clothes, including some underwear.
After changing, I went outside, to her room. She was sitting in the bed, watching some cartoons. After I dried my hair with a towel I borrowed from her, I lied in the bed. She turned off the television and lied beside me. There was silence. It was a very awkward moment. I looked at the clock in the far wall, beside the cabinet. 5 PM. It was already this late. I was thinking if I should already go home. But I suddenly felt something very strange. My chest was pounding so hard. I was very nervous of something, nervous beyond normal circumstances. I did not know why, I just knew I was. What is happening to me? It hurts. My chest hurts. My sight was becoming a little blurry. Is this the right time? It should be. Or if it isn’t, at least I tried. I will never know if I didn’t ask her, even though the answer is already evident.
I was becoming a little dizzy, with my heart pounding my chest, and with this deafening silence. I have to do it, or else, I know, deep inside me, that I may regret it.
Without hesitation, I wrapped my hands around her neck and hugged her.

I stood still, reminisced the greatest mistake of my life. A moment later, I was astonished. My heart was pounding I thought it might break through my chest. She was there, in front of me. She was passing by, wearing her blue gala uniform which I once wore too. She was still small and delicate, like a doll, even after a year that I haven’t seen her clearly. Nothing has changed; she was still beautiful and graceful. Time seemed to stop when she was right in front of me. It was a mere fraction of a second. No, it was millennia. She was just passing by, right in front of my face. . I smiled while watching her back, even though it was painful, even though I knew she won’t see me. It was hard to tell if she noticed me, not that it matters anyway. I know that even if she did, the past can’t be undone. I’ve made so many mistakes, inflicted so much pain, yet given the chance, that if fate deems to favor the two of us, I will never fail again.
She turned around.


With our chests adjacent to each other, I felt her heartbeat. Like mine, it was beating fast. It was as if I had 2 hearts. I was actually confused which was mine.
I hugged her tightly, and she did hug me too. She was very warm, and her skin was very soft.
Again the deafening silence shot across the room. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know where to start.
“What if I kissed you?”
These were the words that came out of my mouth. In truth I was surprised too. Could it be that I’m too nervous? I can’t see her face so I don’t know her reaction to this
“Uhm...”
“Don’t worry, I won’t” I said. I wouldn’t do it even if she said yes.
“Oh, ok”
I really don’t know if she said that in a happy or a sad tone.
“Actually, I’m very nervous right now, and I don’t know why” This was the truth and a lie at the same time. I was nervous, but I know why.
“Well, me too” She said this in a jokingly manner. I was relieved.
“Actually I really don’t know where to start”

Again there was silence. I can only hear two things, the sound of the air conditioner, and the beating of our hearts.
“You see, I’ve been wondering. What if I loved you not as my sister?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, actually… It’s really hard to put into words, or I’m just really nervous right now.”
She did not reply, but I she hugged me tighter. I think she meant “Go on”
I inhaled deep, catching the scent of her hair. It was still wet, and was very fragrant. I relaxed myself. The time that I have been waiting for has come.
“Truth is I love you, not as a sister. Well, I guess you know what I mean. I want to know your feelings as well, if you feel the same way as me”
Even though the answer was evident, I was still very nervous and afraid. Afraid of rejection from the person I solely loved. My heart was beating faster. My chest hurts so much. This was the longest second of my life. Then, she just nodded.
“Does that mean-?”
“Yes, I do feel the same way” She said.
She hugged me even more tightly. I believe no words could describe how happy I was. I was contented.
“I won’t ask you if you will go out with me. I know we are still very young, and you have your studies to focus on. Also, your mother is so strict, so it would be fine for me”
“Well, it’s fine for me if we go out”
I was astonished. My heart just leapt. I never expected her to say this.
“Will you be ok?”
“About my studies, I think I will do better if we did go out. And my mother, we can go out secretly”
I actually thought of this, but I didn’t want to suggest it to her.
“Ok. Well, listen.”
“Hmm?”
“I love you” I told her straight. I’ve always wanted to do this
She hugged me tighter.
“Hey, I can’t breathe”
“Oops. Sorry” she said while laughing a little.
“So, are we officially going out?”
“Hmm. I believe so”
I checked the clock. It was 5:13 in the afternoon.
“January 9 2011, 5:13 PM. I will remember this day and time forever” I said. I was smiling in such a way that my cheeks hurt.
“Yes, me too”
“Hey, I’ve been wondering, when were you sure that you loved me?”
“Do you remember that night when I can’t breathe?”
I can never forget that night. On that night, I haven’t fallen in love with her yet we were just friends that day. Still, I can never forget that fearful night.


It was a cold, harsh night. I and some of my group mates on a national online research competition were staying at school for the night. We had some business to finish. It was already past midnight. We were all inside the computer laboratory of our school. I was sitting in front of my computer when I smelled something that I shouldn’t have.
“Can anyone smell something?”
Nobody replied. I think I had the most sensitive sense of smell in our group. After a few minutes or later, one of our writers suddenly stood up.
“I think I smell it too!”
“The smell of burning?”
“Yes! I think it’s plastic to be precise!”
I knew it. Something was burning inside this laboratory. I had to found out which was it. I quickly stood up and walked around the room. I tried to find out where the smell was strongest.
“I still can’t smell it” One of my co-editors said.
“Well, the two of us can, and this is bad” I replied to him
I picked up my pace again; I arrived in front of the power breaker near the computer I have been using.
“Everybody, get away from here!” I suddenly shouted.
I suddenly hear the chairs move. They were all standing up.
“Move!”
It was the power breaker, melting. I didn’t know why, but my danger alarm went off. I suddenly tried to find something that was an insulator, and then tried to switch off the power breaker, where I was successful.
“Great, we don’t have electricity now” one of the writers said.
“Wait for me here. I will look for our adviser. Stay away from any computer and the power breaker”
I went to the faculty office where I found our adviser. I explained everything to her. In the end we just tried to go to sleep. My group mates started preparing blankets on the floor. She was sitting on a chair near me. I just smiled at her. She was just a normal group mate. There was nothing special. I was about to lie when I suddenly heard someone gasping for air.
“What happened?” I said as I shot straight up.
“She can’t breathe!”
I didn’t know what to do. She was a team mate, and I can’t stand someone hurt. I relaxed my mind and tried to think, even though I wasn’t very good in things like this.
“Someone, give me a folding fan! And someone help me let her sit on the floor with her legs straight and her back on something flat.”
I heard some noises while I helped her sit on the floor.
“Don’t look down” I said. My sweat was now starting to become cold.
“Here.” One of my group mates behind me said while holding out a folding fan. I took it and started moving it.
“How do you feel?” I asked.
“Better” She replied, with her eyes closed. Her voice was very weak. Even at this room devoid of light I can see that she was pale.
I continued to use the fan as her source of ventilation. I was actually nervous if I’m doing the right thing. My sweat was now cold. I can feel it down my cheeks. Then, she slowly opened her eyes.
“I feel a lot better. Thanks. You can stop now”
“I won’t.”
“Why not?”
“I just don’t want to. Why don’t you go to sleep? Don’t worry, I’ll look after you.”
“You really don’t have- ”
I stared at her. Maybe because of that, she just smiled and lied on the blanket that was prepared for her.
“We haven’t talked much lately” She said
“Yeah. Sorry for that. We both are busy.”
“I’m very sorry for causing trouble tonight, with all this ruckus and-“ She stopped as I put my finger across my lips.
“Don’t worry about it. You’re my team mate, and even if you are not, I will still help you, you know.”
She just smiled.
“Good night then.”
She then closed her eyes, still smiling. I continued to use the folding fan for her sake. How long? I did not know. I lied beside her, on the cold floor. It was the first time I look at her this close, and also the first time I thought she was like a doll, and a very delicate one. With my hand holding the fan moving back and forth, I tried thinking on what I should do next on our contest piece, and also stared at her calm face.
The next thing I knew, it was morning. I slept while looking after her. I even woke up at the same position I slept. The first thing I saw was her face. She was indeed beautiful. Wait, what am I thinking? Then she suddenly moved and opened her eyes. She looked at my direction. I felt as if my ears went red. This was the first time our faces were so near.
“Good morning” She said while smiling.
“Good morning. Feeling better?”
“I do, thanks to you, I guess.”
“Oh it’s nothing. You can count on me anytime, ok?”


“Oh. That night?”
“Yes. You see, before that night, I actually had a crush on you. And after that night, I think I have fallen for you already. I knew you looked after me the whole night. After that night I asked myself, and confirmed it. How about you, when did you know that you loved me?”
“I really don’t know. Truth is, one November morning, I just woke up and found out I already love you.”
“Now you’re trying to flatter me huh”
“Of course not! It’s the truth!” I said as I hugged her tighter.
A few silent moments passed.
“I just can’t believe it”
“Believe what?” She replied
“That’s it’s the two of us”
“Yeah, me too.”
“This is real right? Not some kind of magic, illusion or fantasy.” I said. I was never this happy before.
“Yes. Or at least we now know that fairy tales do come true”
“Yeah, they really do.”
After a few moments of silence, we talked for a little, about how are we going to tell our friends, and to whom shouldn’t we tell this little secret of ours. Then my phone suddenly rang.
It was an SMS sent by my mother. She said that we will go to the church at 6. Good timing, I wanted to go to the church today because of this blessing. I wanted to thank God. I told her that I will leave at 5 45.
“Oh, ok. But be online when you get home ok?”
“Of course” I said with a big smile.
After a few more minutes, we went down the stairs.
“Goodbye my girlfriend!”
“Goodbye!” She said while her ears turned red.
I then went off with an ecstatic smile and an exultant heart.

It’s weird, but I was thinking of her when my cheeks suddenly became wet. I was reminiscing the happy moments. I then opened our previous conversations and reread it. It was dated when it was still the two of us. Now the rain was falling hard that it was obscuring my vision. I had to constantly wipe the rain drops in my eyes so that I can continue reading this bitter sweet conversation of ours.

Today was the beginning.
I woke up. The first thing I did was to send an SMS to her saying “Good morning.” It was the first morning that we are officially dating. I’m still not used to it, of course. I think it would be better to be just the same as we were before. Nonetheless, the fact that we were officially dating made me happy.
I then stood up and prepared for school. I was a little early today. The funniest thing is that I woke up at 5:13 this morning, even though we spent too much time chatting the previous night. With a happy face, I headed for school.
It was a cloudy day. It would probably rain later. I walked down the path that connects the guard house and the school slowly, reminiscing what happened yesterday. When I arrived at my classroom, I saw Jas sitting on the chair beside me.
“Hey”
“Hey” He replied.
“Guess what?”
“Guess what what? You’re dating already?”
“How did you know? Some kind of telepathy, mind reading or something?” That was weird. I haven’t told anybody yet.
“Just a wild guess. So you’re dating?”
“Well, yeah”
“Really? How did it happen?” He said, with a surprised look.
“It’s a secret!”
“Come on, tell me!”
I was about to tell him a little bit of it when my phone suddenly rang. It was an SMS she sent.
“Look outside the window” Was written in my phone.
I then looked outside of the window. I can see the grounds from here, the Admin building and the gazebo. Inside the gazebo I saw 2 small figures. I quickly recognized them as her and her best friend. Her best friend was her classmate. They had the same height, or Clu probably is a little higher. Her skin was a little dark, with her hair falling on her shoulders. She, too, was so small that they looked like dolls in a small doll house.
“What are you two doing there?” I sent her an SMS
“I’m going to tell her” She replied.
“Oh, ok”
A few moments later, the bell rang.

Days and weeks passed with our old yet new life. It was almost our first month together. February 9 was a Wednesday. There were classes. We just ate something outside in a restaurant after the classes.
“I’m sorry I can’t give you anything. I don’t have enough money. I will buy you something. I promise”
“Don’t worry its fine as long as you are here.”
“Hmm. I will buy you a ring.”
“Don’t! That would be expensive!”
“I don’t care!”
“I do!” She said. I smiled. Our conversation then continued endlessly.
It’s been more than a month. The two of us went out together as often as possible. We spend most of our time on the Ecology Park near my home.
Today’s weather was fine. We were in the said park, walking aimlessly and talking to each other. We met at 1 PM, and haven’t stopped talking since. It was already 2 when the sky became cloudy.
“It’s going to rain.” I said.
“Yes it will, I guess.”
The rain suddenly fell. It was not that heavy, but I didn’t want her to get sick, so we went to a building, probably the events building and stood at the side.
“It’s cold.” She said. I was happy; she was starting to open up to me, little by little.
“Too bad I didn’t bring my sweatshirt.”
I was thinking of hugging her when we suddenly heard a loud noise, a thud of some sort.
“What was that?” She asked.
“It came from over there. Stay behind me ok?”


It was on the other side of the building. I slowly walked toward where the sound came from. In the ground lay feathers, numerous of feathers scattered. Was there a pillow fight or something here? I scanned the ground, carefully looking at each side. Then I was suddenly shocked on what I saw on a corner. A bird was lying on the ground.
“A bird!” She exclaimed.
Let me look at it.
It was a black bird. I didn’t know what kind it was because I didn’t know much about birds. It was slowly breathing with its eyes open. Its wings were broken.
“I think it will die soon” She said.
“Yeah, I think it will too. But I can’t kill it with my own hands. Yet I don’t want it to suffer more.”
“Let’s just carry it”
“Oh, ok” I said, with a puzzled look. I just realized that the rain stopped.
I then put it in my two hands. We then started walking. We tried talking to the bird every now and then. I can sense that the bird was dying. I was sad, I didn’t know why.
About 15 minutes and the birds passed away.
I then made a simple grave near some plants, buried the bird and prayed.
“It’s sad, isn’t it” I said after saying my prayers.
“Yes, it really is. Life is...”
“…is magical. It’s long yet so short. I’m just happy you are here with me.” I said.
There was a moment of silence after that until the rain started to pour hard again. There was no place for cover except one place.
“There!” I said as I took her hands with my left and ran to where I pointed with my other hand.
I was pointing to a small architectural design. It was a frog big frog statue. The frog’s mouth was open, but it was off limits. Inside the mouth would fit 2 persons and still have some space. We had no choice. We were already soaked, so we entered the frog’s little cave.
“Here, use this” I said as I give her my handkerchief.
“What about you?”
“I will be fine, don’t worry about me” I said, and then she just smiled. I laughed.
“Hey! What’s so funny?” She said while laughing too.
There was no need to ask. Our situation was funny. We were inside the mouth of a frog, well it was just a statue, while it was raining hard outside. Not to mention we are soaked. It was a very happy moment.
“I think the bird is thanking us.” She said.
“Hahaha. A nice way to thank us I guess”
We then talked endlessly in the cavern of the frog. The rain was endless. I was getting worried on being stuck here. I was worried about her, because it really didn’t matter to me if I was stuck, as long as I was with here.
“What time do you need to go home?”
“Around six”
With that, my heart felt calmer. This moment was very special. It was a once in a lifetime event. I never knew why, but I find this situation very bitter sweet. We were stuck inside a frog in the middle of the rain, yet, we were very happy. Is this what they call true love? Or was this just an illusion made by playful mind?
The rain stopped.
We then went outside, stretched a little, and then continued walking. We crossed the small bridge over the small lake to the flag pole. We talked for a moment, until an idea shot straight through my mind. I saw a violet flower. I didn’t know what kind of flower it was. Violet was her favorite color, the same as my mother and my brother’s girlfriend.
I picked the flower, and then without hesitation, I knelt in front of her in the muddy ground, with the flower on my palm.
“Will you marry me?”
She blushed. I knew it. Even after she put her hands on her face, it was still evident. Her ears were red. She even turned around for a moment, and then faced me again.
“What are you doing!? Stand up! It’s muddy!”
“I won’t stand up until I get an answer!”
After a second or two, she then replied.
“Of course it’s a yes, you silly!”

It was a very, very happy moment. As if time itself was playing tricks with me again. I felt like flying even though my knee was on the ground. I felt like I was shouting even though I was just silently smiling. I felt like my heart was going to burst. I then stood up and put the flower above her ears.
“Someday, or sometime this February I’m going to buy you a real ring. But it would be a cheap one only, because I won’t be able to afford a grand one.”
“You don’t even have to buy me a ring” She said while still blushing
“But I want to. It will mark all our promises and feelings, even if we are apart.”
“But…”
“No buts!” I said as I cut her off.
We then walked towards the exit. My pants were now dirty with some mud, but it really didn’t matter. It was worth it. I was so happy I didn’t care where I was walking. I walked on some puddle of water. She suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me back. When my senses came back, I realized I was about to fall off a small cliff.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m just so happy”
“Snap out of it. My answer was already obvious, wasn’t it?” She said with a grin.
It was true; I was expecting it, yet…
“Even though, I’m still very happy to hear it. I know we are still very young, yet I hope that this is real, and this will last until we get old and die.”
“It will. I’m sure it will.” She said reassuringly.
The day then ended with our usual greetings over the internet. Funny thing is nowadays our ‘goodnights’ are getting longer, as if we don’t want to sleep and continue talking. I was very happy. I then set my phone to alarm for the next day. It was a little hard to sleep that night, probably because it was hard to remove her out of my mind.